Memoirs of a Vegas Bride
by amy76791
Summary: Emma's married. Did she get her happily ever after? Set after Special Education 2x9.


Memoirs of a Vegas Bride

You're sitting at the best table, in the priciest restaurant in Lima, looking across at your husband. _Husband._ You marvel at the title, yet you can't help the twinge of uneasiness that washes over you. You try to focus on your husband, on Carl, the man sitting across from you. He's animated tonight, his hands gesticulating as he tells yet another story about his day…..a cavity you think, you're not really sure though.

It's been like this in the weeks since you've gotten married…you inwardly cringe at the memory…in a Vegas chapel, in the skirt and cardigan you wore for the long flight from Ohio. You were so swept up in the emotion of the moment, in the excitement that you hardly noticed your surroundings. It seemed like an adventure at the time and Carl, well he flashed his pearly whites and you were swept away.

But now….now in the harsh reality that is life in Lima, you wonder if this was a mistake. Too much, too soon. You're so overwhelmed. Your stomach has been churning since…..you feel guilty just thinking about it….your stomach has been churning since Will Schuester walked out of your office with his shoulders slumped in defeat after you showed him your shiny new wedding ring.

You nod….you realize that you're not paying attention to Carl again. He doesn't really seem to notice though. He doesn't seem to notice that you've withdrawn in the two weeks since you returned from your wild weekend in Vegas. He's always talking…about work, about plans for the future….and you always do your best to appear to be listening. _To your husband_. Maybe if you keep reminding yourself that Carl is your husband, it will finally sink in.

You do a quick scan of the restaurant, there are tables filled with smiling couples. You wish you had enough energy to smile tonight, but you don't. You're tired. Tired of the uneasiness coiled in the pit of your stomach. Tired of trying to make it look like you are ok, that you aren't teetering on the edge of panic. You don't want to let on that you aren't as sure of Carl as he seems to be of you.

As you shift your eyes back to your husband, who is still talking about little Joey's first cavity, something catches your eye. Dirty blonde curls. There's something familiar about the back of that head. You straighten up in your seat to get a better look. A man in a dark suit is leading a slender brunette to a table in the corner of the restaurant. You stomach churns and you give up all pretense of listening to Carl drone on about his day. The man leans to pull out the chair and you realize that it's a date. Your stomach clenches as you watch him make his way around to take his own seat across the table. It's the first time you get a glimpse of his face…..Will's face. He's on a date…..and she's gorgeous. He's smiling. He looks happy….and you want to vomit.

You turn back to your meal and poke some more at your food. You interject into the conversation at the appropriate places. You're trying not to look over at Will, but you can't help it. They're laughing. He's smiling the lopsided grin that always, even now, makes your heart skip a beat. The urge to vomit returns. You feel like you are suffocating. You need to get out of there.

You complain of a headache and Carl settles with the waiter. You head out, with Carl's arm draped around your shoulders. As the two of you pass through the restaurant, Carl notices Will for the first time. He tightens his grip on you, so tight it almost hurts. You watch silently as Carl takes in the couple sitting in the dark corner. He mutters something under his breath, something you aren't meant to hear. It sounds something like…"it's about time he found a woman of his own and stopped messing with mine." You stiffen at the comment but don't say anything. If you did it would just start another fight and you don't have the energy for it tonight.

Its days before you see Will at work. You've been keeping a low profile but you have still managed to stay plugged in to the rumor mill. _Will's seeing someone_. That's the gossip spreading like wildfire through the hallways. There was little buzz surrounding your elopement, but you're not too surprised about the attention Will is getting from the rest of the staff. Will has always been more popular than you. Besides you've heard what they've said about you too. They know that you broke his heart.

You try not to buy into the talk but you can't help yourself. By the end of the day you know that she's a music teacher at the middle school. That they met at a district meeting. That they've been out every night since then. The word in the teacher's lounge is that he's happy, like his old self and it makes that feeling in your gut return with a vengeance. You want to vomit.

The next day you see it for yourself. You finally find the nerve to venture out of your office during your lunch period. You get to the lunchroom and there she is….in your seat. At least it was your seat, back when he smiled at you the way he is smiling at *her* right now. They're laughing and you realize with a twinge that he looks happy. He looks up and waves at you. He stands and introduces you to his date. "This is Emma. She's the guidance counselor here." That's it. Not friend. Not _sort of_ ex-girlfriend. You're just someone that he works with. It feels like a punch to your gut. It hurts more than finding out about the infamous make out session with Shelby. You politely nod and say that you are happy to meet her. Sarah you think her name is, but you can't be sure. You're on auto pilot and the only sound you can hear is the blood rushing in your ears. You do an about face and leave. You have to because you feel like you may just pass out.

That night you go home to your husband. You push your food around on your plate, just like you do every night since you started coming home to Carl. You don't really eat much and Carl doesn't seem to notice. He's talking as he always does and your head bobs in the appropriate places, but you add little to the conversation. That's ok though, Carl is talking enough for the both of you.

The next morning you're surprised to see Brittany at your office door. The blonde Cheerio is smiling as she taps on the glass. You motion for her to come in and she takes a seat across from you. You ask her why she's there and she reaches into her bag and hands you a DVD. "We would've sung at your wedding too," she says. You don't answer, so she continues on. "You didn't get to have a real wedding, so I thought you might want to see what we could have sung if you did. Have a real wedding, that is." You look down at the DVD and see that it's labeled "Hummel-Hudson" and you vaguely remember Will telling you that the glee kids prepared a song for the Finn and Kurt's parents. You attempt a smile as you thank Brittany for thinking of you. She doesn't understand how much her words hurt, she meant well. As she leaves all you can hear is the echo of her words…."You didn't get to have a real wedding" and you shove the disc into your bag.

You don't mean to take the DVD out of your bag, but Carl's not home….emergency root canal… and you're curious. You load it into the DVD player and settle into Carl's stiff leather couch. As you pull the blanket tight around your body the giant screen lights up with an image of an aisle. An unfamiliar tune begins and that churning feeling returns as you watch as the glee kids belt their hearts out. You can't help but cringe at the words; they seem to fit your situation perfectly. _It's a beautiful night; we're looking for something dumb to do. Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you._ You think you should turn off the TV, but you catch a glimpse of Burt and Carole and freeze. They are smiling ear to ear. They are happy…happy to be married. You wonder if you looked like that after you and Carl were pronounced man and wife.

You don't want to think about it too much because then you'll have to admit that maybe you aren't as happy as you should be. You sit through the rest of the DVD….you want to see the rest of the wedding. _A real wedding_. One that was planned and had invited guests in attendance. You're not surprised when Will shows up on the screen in front of a microphone because you knew he was invited. You were too, you just didn't go. The ache in your chest is back as you listen to him sing. You've always loved his voice. You know you shouldn't feel this way, but you can't help but wish that you had been at that wedding….dancing with Will.

You go through the motions of life. You avoid Will at work and push your food around on your plate every night. You'd like to think that you're adjusting to married life, but really how many nights can you accidently fall asleep on the couch, before Carl gets suspicious. You're avoiding intimacy too, but that's something you don't want to think about. Later that night you pace through the darkened living room long after Carl has gone to sleep. You stop by the mantle and gingerly lift the only photo taken of you and your husband on your wedding night. You run your fingertips over the couple smiling at the camera. Do they look happy? As you look closer at the image of yourself you notice that your smile is strained, that it doesn't reach your eyes. Carl however is grinning broadly. He looks almost smug…like he defeated his rival. Maybe he did. You married him instead of going to sectionals with Will and the glee kids. Carl 1-Will 0.

It's a cold Saturday night the next time you are in the same room as Will for more than a brief moment. Tonight is McKinley's Valentine's Dance. You're not too sure how you got roped into chaperoning, but here you are rubbing your temples trying to ward off a migraine. Before you left for the dance, you and Carl had another fight…..about Will. You've all but cut Will out of your life, but he's still there between you and Carl as always.

Carl wanted to accompany you to the dance tonight. You refused, telling him that it was work, that he'd be bored. He insisted, something about making sure that Schuester kept his paws off his woman. His possessiveness made your blood boil, and you left the house angry. Had he always been like that? As you stand against the wall of the gym you think back to your argument and decide that maybe Carl has always been possessive because the reality is, Will has always been an obstacle in your relationship with Carl….right from the start.

You are startled by a commotion on the dance floor. The sea of dancing teenagers has widened to a circle with Will and Mike at the center. They're dancing to a popular song you probably should know, but you've never been great at keeping up with current trends. You move closer to the group to watch as Will executes a complicated dance move with ease. He's having absolutely no trouble keeping up with the teenager he's dancing with. The people in the circle are clapping and cheering them on. Will looks happy you notice….and then you see who he is smiling at. Sarah. She's grinning broadly as he launches into another difficult dance move. The ache in your chest doesn't really surprise you, but you try to ignore it and be happy for him. Happy that he has found someone to be with. Especially since you have Carl…..your husband.

You are suddenly aware that the song has changed and couples are making their way back to the dance floor. The ache in your chest deepens as Sarah squeals in delight while Will spins her into his arms for a slow dance. You watch as they settle into an embrace and sway to the beat of the music. You turn away before he can see you watching; you would rather die than be caught staring. As you walk back to your post in the back of the gym you can't help but remember what it was like to be held in his arms as you danced around his living room a lifetime ago. You can't help but wonder whether he's singing to her too. You lean against the wall and try to look at anything but the happy couple on the dance floor.

The lobby of the Carl's office building is the last place you ever thought you'd run into her, but there she is. April Rhodes. You haven't seen her since the night she practically ran you over with her car, but you know all too well about her last visit to Lima. You try to pass by unnoticed, but she recognizes you and engulfs you in a bear hug. You wonder how it's possible for someone so small to be that strong, she's practically crushing you. She makes small talk and you're uncomfortable. This is the woman that slept with Will, the one that ruined it all.

Then she grabs your left hand and gushes over your ring. When she asks you how it was possible for Will to afford a rock that size, you choke. Since it's obvious that she hasn't been in touch for long time, you set her straight. You're surprised that she seems disappointed that you and Will aren't together and before you can censor yourself you are confronting her about last spring. She knocks the wind out of you when she tells you that he turned her down. That she didn't have sex with Will. In a daze you mutter goodbye and turn to leave the building, your impending meeting with your husband forgotten.

You sleep on the couch again that night, pretending to fall asleep watching the news. It's such a common occurrence now that Carl doesn't even bother to try and wake you before he heads up to bed. In the morning you're up and out of the house before Carl is even awake. You find yourself barging into Sue's office hours before the first bell. She's the only other faculty member, besides you of course, that shows up at school before 7am. If she's surprised to see you, she doesn't let on. You unleash your fury on her calling her out on her manipulation. She doesn't seem fazed by your outburst at all. When you call her a liar, she shrugs. Enraged by her caviler attitude you turn on your heel to leave. Just before you pass the threshold of the door she calls out "For years I looked for a way to destroy Schuester….but you did it for me. You broke him."

Friday night you tell Carl that you are going out with friends. You're technically not lying….your co-workers will be there. They're like friends, right? You'd like to think that you're above the deceit but really you're not. You need space. You're five months into your quickie marriage and you want to be alone. Not really how a newlywed should be acting, but then again you never really experienced that honeymoon period.

You head into the auditorium to find a seat for the invitational that Will has arranged in preparation for Regionals next month. You know Carl would be pissed if he knew where you were, but you don't care. You couldn't miss this performance. Not like you missed Sectionals and not because Carl told you that you couldn't go. As you take your seat, you think that if there was one moment you could go back and change that would be it. Then maybe you wouldn't be in this position with the weight of an impulsive decision weighing down your left hand. Then maybe she wouldn't be here. You hate the feeling you get when you see Will's girlfriend, but you can't help it. You're jealous….even though you have no right to be.

You settle in as the curtain rises and sit back to enjoy the show. The kids are amazing as always under Will's direction. You notice that the solos are pretty evenly dispersed among the members of New Directions and you can't help but feel proud of yourself for encouraging Will to allow all of the kids to have a chance to shine. You look over toward Will and manage to catch his eye. You smile at him; you are proud of him and these kids.

You know that you have been derelict in your duties as the president of the New Directions fan club and you resolve to change that, to make time to watch them practice and to attend performances like this one. This time you really will "do it for the kids." After all, the kids have been kind, but cautious around you since last spring. They are protective of Will and they know that you hurt him. But you get the sense that they realize he hurt you too, because they never tried to shut you out. You continue watching the performance, occasionally stealing glances at Will seated in the front of the auditorium. He looks sad, like he isn't as happy as he wants everyone to think he is. You think, just maybe, he is pretending too.

You loiter after the show. You congratulate the kids on a job well done and make small talk with Burt and Carole Hummel. As the Hummel's leave you can't help but notice that they still have the newlywed glow; they're happy and in love. You think you'd be upset by this, but you're not. You just want to see Will. To congratulate him. You don't however expect to quite literally run into his girlfriend. You were so busy scanning the crowd that you didn't see her in walking in front of you. You make your apologies and she smiles; she seems nice. You turn to leave but she calls out after you. "You mean a lot to him."

You freeze in your tracks and prepare for the worst. Terri was always hostile about your relationship with Will and you wonder if Sarah will be the same. She's not. She's actually sweet and you think that perhaps if the situation were different you could be friends. You feel your cheeks flush as she tells you all of the wonderful things Will has told her about you. You are literally floored when she admits that she thought you were Will's ex-wife because he talked so much about you. As she continues to talk you realize she knows very little about Terri and nothing about her awful deception.

You are still talking to Sarah when Will walks over. He smiles at you and asks if you noticed that he took your advice. You smile back and nod, noticing that the twinkle is back in his eyes. The one you haven't seen in well over a year. You are interrupted by Rachel and Will excuses himself to speak to the Berrys. Before he walks away he thanks Sarah for her help that he'll see her around. After he walks away she tells you that they've long sense broken up. That she knew he wasn't ready to start a relationship. That he'd already given me his heart and that I still had it. She's not bitter, not like Terri.

That night you and Carl sit down and talk. For the first time in a long time, you listen and pay attention to what he has to say. And you tell him how you feel. He doesn't seem surprised to hear that you're really not happy, that getting married so suddenly was a mistake. He feels it too. In fact he's already spoken to a buddy of his, a lawyer that can help the two of you get an annulment. You're a little embarrassed that he's shared the details of your marriage with a man that you don't know, but it's a fleeting thought. You know that it must have been difficult for him to admit that despite months of marriage, the two of you had not been intimate. That you couldn't bring yourself to have sex with the man you married and pledged to love.

On Monday you make your way into the lunchroom and ask Will if you can sit with him at his table. He smiles at you and moves his papers out of the way so that you can have room to spread out your lunch. You take out a Tupperware container and open it to reveal your lunch, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich neatly cut into triangles…no crust. You take half of the sandwich and wordlessly offer it to Will. It's an olive branch. A fresh start. Will doesn't mention anything about your missing wedding ring that day during lunch, but you're sure he notices that you aren't wearing it.

Your friendship rebuilds itself slowly. It starts with lunch in teacher's room. Before too long you're sitting in at glee rehearsals. He takes you out to dinner one night after your SAT prep course ends. You spend a Saturday helping him clean his new apartment. You're not sure when you crossed the line from friendship to something more, but suddenly your nights out are ending with goodnight kisses. The first time you make love, you realize that you are glad that you waited, that nothing in the world could compare to the way Will makes you feel.

You look at Will asleep in your bed and smile. This is where you belong. This is who you belong with. Now that you are being honest with yourself you can admit that when you look at Will you see your future. You can see him on bended knee, yourself in a white dress, his large hands resting over your belly swollen with pregnancy, his strong arms cradling a sleeping infant. You never imagined these moments when you were with Carl. As you watch your lover sleep you realize that probably should have been the first red flag in your relationship with Carl, you never imagined a future with him. For a moment you think that perhaps if you had been honest with yourself over a year ago when Will first declared his love, you could have avoided a lot of heartache and sadness.

You snuggle in closer to Will and he sleepily pulls you closer and presses a kiss to your forehead. He mutters an "I love you" and drifts back to sleep. You realize now that you have all of the things that you've ever wanted. Will loves you for the person that you are, and that's all that matters. There really isn't room for what ifs. You can't look back, you don't want to. Besides you have a future to plan and you know in your heart that this time you will have real wedding. A wedding that you can invite your family to.


End file.
